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Its been two months and I’m back to trying to wrap my head around this marriage. The man he is today is a kind, loving, generous, sweet, intelligent, successful man. And he is the father of my children, and a good father. We don’t have to sell the house, our home remains intact. On the other hand, I see the marriages of my friends and family members and, while they are not perfect and while I know that I can never really know what goes on in other marriages, there is a sort of… You know that feeling like, if you could do it all over again, of course you’d marry him? That you just accept him for all he is, and he accepts you, and that is what love is?
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I needed space to just focus on me, think about alternatives, etc. I am fairly crushed to realize that, after all of this, even after risking separation and reconciling, the brokenness remains, perhaps for always.
He moved out for a few months, we co-parented our boys (now ages 4 and 6), we drafted a legal separation agreement. Given reality, given our children and our family and our professional dreams and so on, my life, as it is today, is better/easier/more supported with him than without him. And I don’t know what more to expect, or how to think about all of this.